I feel like I've been such a downer lately with some of my posts. To be brutally honest this year (last twelve months) has been one of the most difficult years of my life.
I never thought that I would not have one of my children here on earth to hold and watch grow up with the rest of his siblings. To visit a cemetery instead of a school or baseball field. To have that child die on my "watch" still stings and cuts deep into my heart.
I never knew how difficult it is to have your children grow up and move away.
I never knew how difficult the hands are that can be dealt in the life of being a parent to a teenager (with trials) and how deep the pain because the love is even deeper.
I never knew how much chronic pain can affect my mood and how quickly I can share my pain with those around me by how I react to those I love the most.
February 26th was Caleb's sixth birthday, although he was not here to celebrate. He is in Heaven. I am thankful that I know that he is there, but I can't help feeling sad and overwhelmed at times that he never even saw his second birthday.
I read once somewhere..."There is nowhere to put all of the pain". I agree. It seems to be spilling out lately...
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3
I am going to keep trying to keep my focus on sweet Jesus...so the earthly does not continue to overwhelm.
Thinking of you on Caleb's birthday. Praying for strength to get through another year.
ReplyDeleteThank you Krista. ((hugs))
DeleteThis feeling this painting evokes are powerful. Our little ones are with him but we can't help missing them here. Thanks for your honesty regarding pain, parenting (teens) and trusting.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Em
I love this painting...I have always thought that it looked like Caleb and it helps me to think of Caleb protected and loved by Jesus. Thank you Em ((hugs))
DeleteYou sound like you are coping with a lot of difficult things right now Cheryl. I wish that I could say or do something to share your burden but I know that words cannot take away the pain you feel. Know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of many friends. Those who know you in real life and those who haven't met you but think of you all the same.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gina. I know that it is possible to find peace amid trials and I am trying to keep my focus on Him. I can feel the prayers of you and others and I appreciate your compassion and friendship via blogland :) ((hugs))
DeleteThinking of you Cheryl (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteSorry I have not been around.
I want to thank you for the book you sent me I have not had a chance to read it, but I will. My father in law went to be with the Lord Feb.28 2013
I have pretty much cut myself out of the internet world for awhile now.
I have not even been reading blogs and I am very far behind on them all.
Samuel is going to have surgery June 4th for tonsil removal.Did I tell you he has sleep apnea :(
and my oldest daughter has decided not to come back home.
I can relate to your post...I love you my friend you are in my prayers.
Trennia
That book can be read a minute at a time...it is short easy pages...you don't even need to read a page at a time, but even just a sentence or a paragraph...believe me, I know.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law...my deepest condolences to you and your family.
I am sorry that Samuel has sleep apnea, but at the same time I am glad that you found that out and it is very treatable.
I am so sorry about your daughter.
I think about you a lot and I pray that you are able to find peace and comfort from the Great Healer.
((hugs)) and love, my friend,
Cheryl