Oh no!

I'm back! :) Hello friends! You are the best! Thanks for your notes of concern and comfort. I appreciate you thinking of me.

I have been in kind of a slump. I am trying to lean on God and depend on Him for everything I need. I am trying to focus on all things eternal..ie: things that really matter in the long run. That is so difficult to do when you live in the "world".

I have also been very busy with kids, matters of the house, Bible studies and also a couple of deaths...sadlly my Aunt Bin died of brain cancer and a local man of 26 years died when his car got tangled up in a tree.

What the kids and I have been up to:

I have just sent out letters to the two colleges that my daughter applied and was accepted at asking for additional sources of scholarships, etc. I can't believe how much colleges are per year! The two that my daughter is interested in are $40,000 and $50,000! She is a bright girl and we have been awarded apparently generous scholarships, but they still leave at least half of the tuition, etc. to be paid for by us...that is like a mortgage payment after four years of college with inflation figured in...and we have five more children to go! We have told her that she is going to end up being responsible for most of the debt. We have asked her to keep that in mind when she is deciding where she wants to go.

I know that all money is God's money and if he leads her to go to a specific college, then that is where he wants His money to go. I will trust in Him.

Just went shopping with my daughter tonight and she picked out her prom dress. I am so happy that she is going with a nice young man. She had a great friend go with her last year, but this year I think she is falling in love. :) I can't explain how good it makes me feel to see her with a boy from a wonderful Christian family. His family was there for us when Caleb died and actually allowed my in laws to stay at their place overnight when the services were taking place. On the first day of school, which happened to be the day after Caleb's funeral the mom, of the boy who is going with my daughter to the prom, called me up and got all of the lists that the school provided with all of the supplies that my children needed. She and her husband showed up on our doorstep a few hours later with half of the "Staples" store. They have been a blessing.

My oldest son is the stage manager for the production GREASE this weekend. He is doing a great job and I see his "dad" coming out in him more and more lately. He is really showing his leadership abilities and that is wonderful. He is getting the respect he needs from the people that are on the crew and the job is getting done beautifully. I can't wait to see the production.

My second son is excelling in school and is happy to report that next year when he enters high school he has all honors classes. He volunteers at the local library two nights a week and keeps challenging us with difficult trivia questions that he thinks up himself. He is the fact man who knows a lot of information about many things.

My third son is also excelling at school and is extremely motivated regarding schoolwork...at least while he is in school...at home all he wants to do is read (see earlier post :) He has taken up the winter sport of floor hockey at the middle school and loves it. They won their first game today---YEAH!

My fourth son is a such a joy (as they all are really). He is younger though (8 years old) and still loves and gives hugs freely. Still waves to me from the school bus and tell me how much he loves me and how much God loves me :) Still wants me (and I do) to go into school and sit with him at lunch and go out on the playground with him for recess.

My fifth son Caleb is enjoying the Heavenly Realm...love you buddy! Can't wait to see you again!

My second daughter is doing beautifully at five months of age. She is babbling a lot and drooling up a storm. She is starting to be able to entertain herself for a few minutes by playing with her toys...even picking them up. She is large for her age at 16.4 pounds when she was four months old. She is in the 95% for weight and 95% for height and 75% for head size lol!

Trennia asked at "Still Serving Him Through the Storm" blog about whether or not others have said things to you that are hurtful if you have lost a child.

Things have been said...and some to me, that aren't well thought out by the person saying them. I know that anyone is capable of saying things that unintentionally hurt the receiver of the comment, even if the person saying it has lost a child. I think that sometimes people try to minimize the loss of the child by what they say...sometimes to try and protect their feelings or the feelings of the person who has lost a child or to bring the focus back on them if they are prideful.

I have always been able to forgive the people for saying things that have hurt me. I don't think that anything that has been said to me was ever to intentionally hurt me. I remember when I first lost Caleb...and even still now 1 1/2 years later...people look at me in the grocery store and seem to avoid me. They don't know what to say. I don't blame them. I don't know what I would say/do in that situation.

I know that I put my foot in my mouth way too many times. I am so sorry for anything that I've said to people that has hurt them and I am sorry to others who have had hurtful things said to them.

When you are grieving you are so much more vulnerable to comments. You are emotionally fragile and things tend to be magnified....at least I know they are for me. My brain is still in a fog and it is 19 months after Caleb died. I don't even know what month it is most of the time. I don't know when it will get better, but I know that I can rest in God and He is my refuge and my strength and my strongtower. "My God is bigger because I need him more"as told by...Joni Tada Erikson I've never been closer to God...and have never needed him more.

I love reading all of your blogs and although I haven't been commenting a whole lot, please keep them coming. I enjoy finding out about your families and your trials too.

Love to all of you,

With love and hope,

Cheryl