Hello my blogging friends...(warning-downer ahead)
Tomorrow is the day that Caleb would have turned four years old. It makes me so sad to say that. I want him back here with me/us. I want him to cuddle in my lap, or even get into a little mischief. I long to hold him or watch him play...see his curls and stroke his soft *warm* skin.
It is amazing that as much as time continues to march on, the longing for your child continues to play such a huge role in your life even a couple years after their death. What a bond there is between a mother/parent and their child. I still see it so much in my husband's eyes as well.
We have no choice in this separation from Caleb. We do have to learn to accept it and over time I'm sure that will happen slowly, but it will never feel right or just. I still question God and feel much guilt as a parent would whose son died in their own home.
I long for the day that I can just let go of the guilt for good and fully trust God in this grief journey of mine.
I know that I'm the only one in this parent/child relationship who is struggling...Caleb is eternally happy now and in no pain and has no fear...it is just me. That doesn't seem to make this grief much easier to take, even though believe me when I say that there is no greater joy than to know that my child is with Jesus.
This day...tomorrow being his birthday...should be "his" day. The day that 11 pound 1 ounce bouncing baby boy came bounding into this world. A celebration of his life. In my mind I still cannot accept that it will ever be a celebration again...more like a sad memorial of what was and what will never be again.
I love you dear little Caleb and miss you to the moon and back. Hugs to you, my bug...Mommy
..."In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Hello! I am a wife, married for 23 years and a mother to seven. I have two daughters and five sons, one of whom is in heaven. We love the Lord are trying to bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) We live in the Northeast in a cozy 100+ year old house. Welcome to my blog.
Yes, it seems as though times continues on, our pain does also. These are our precious sweet children. It's hard to watch your other children, and know what you have missed with the one who passed.
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking of you, your family and Caleb tomorrow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Caleb, you are one loved little boy!! Wrap your mommy and daddy with your sweet love tomorrow...... I know that they will be doing the same.
Yes, Cheryl, He has overcome the world...... One sweet day we will hold them again.........FOREVER.
Thinking of your sweet Caleb's birthday with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Cheryl you have to go through this, please my friend know I'm here for you.I will be keeping you in my prayers *extra* tomorrow...my heart is heavy for you.Happy Heavenly Birthday Caleb, sending (((HUGS))) to your momma.