Loss

Loss continues to weave its way through my life.  I am reminded of it so often.  One of the things that is almost a daily reminder of my loss is the school bus that stops in front of my house after all of my school aged children are gone to school already.  I picture Caleb happily awaiting its arrival and then hopping up the stairs to be with his friends.  With a lump in my throat I know that will never be.  

I am praying for all of you who are grieving this season.  Holidays are more difficult when we are missing someone in our lives who we hold dear to us.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Money Management

If I say this outloud and write about it on my blog, then maybe it will help me stick to my current goal of getting our finances in better order this coming year.  I have heard about a money management system by Dave Ramsey and am going to read up on it and see if I can improve our saving/spending habits.

When my husband and I were first married I was so thrifty.

I would, for example:

Compare prices of items at different stores and keep a notebook of those prices.
I would make cheap meals like lentil casserole and tuna cheddar soup and we actually enjoyed eating them
When we eventually had babies, I would make my own baby wipes and use cloth diapers
I would hang my clothes to dry and wash dishes by hand
and the list could go on and on.

My biggest role model was Amy Dacyczyn and her book (at that time it was in newsletter form) The Tightwad Gazette.

How freeing it was for me to know that we were in charge of our money and that I could be a stay at home mom if I chose to because we knew how to really cut back on things...even necessary things, and still live a great and happy life.

I am looking forward to trying it out again.  Maybe not exactly the same as we did before...we now have six living children who all have needs/wants...It is no longer my husband and I with a baby or two.

How do you try and save money/spend less?  If you have any ideas, let me know.  I'm all ears :)

  

Wedding Anniversaries

My in laws celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary in August.  My husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in September.  A couple weeks later my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary.

I am so thankful for marriages that have stood the test of time.  They are marriages that have endured times that have been very good and times that have been very difficult.  Committed people in committed relationships in which divorce is not even an option.

I am thankful that my children have grown up with two sets of grandparents that have intact marriages and they live in a home with both their dad and mom.  I know that this is not always the case.  I pray the same for their future spouses.

In this season of thankfulness, these are wonderful things to be grateful for.

This is a song that played at our wedding
 I Can't Help Falling in Love With You







  

Caleb's Heaven Anniversary

Have many things to catch up on here on my blog.  On August 20th it was five years since our sweet Caleb died.

So many things have changed, and many have stayed the same since that first year after we lost our little guy.
*The grief has softened a bit, although it can come back especially at unexpected times.
*I seem to yearn to be with him more and more.
*I still wonder every day if another one of my children will die...knowing now that children dying is not something that only happens to someone else's family.
*I check my 3 year old daughters breathing a couple times a night.
*I still sneak in her room before morning to sleep next to her, knowing that tomorrow is never promised.
*The life that I live is not one that I dreamed that I would have.
*Family life, because of different individual personalities/decisions, has been more difficult since Caleb's death and I wonder how much of it has to do with all of us handling the death in different ways.
*As I watch negative things going on, I wonder, even five years later if things would be the same if Caleb hadn't died.
*I still feel like I'm in a fog a lot...forgetting what day, month, season or year it is.  Time seemed to stop when Caleb died.
*I have aged a lot and can't seem to motivate myself to care as much about myself as I did before.

*I have seen the Grace of God firsthand in my life in ways that I never would have seen had Caleb not died. *I have experienced the blessing of great friendships and support from my local community and beyond.
*I have grown a lot closer to God through the death of Caleb.
*My level of compassion for others who are grieving has grown immeasurably.

This list could go on and on...

I miss my Caleb and long to hold him close and to feel him warm and feel his breath on my neck.

Caleb Daniel Brule 2/26/07-8/20/08

This video/story touched my heart.  We all have so much more in common than we have differences (those who have lost).

True Story about a Father and His deceased son's truck

I Drive Your Truck

A Book and a Blog

A friend of mine stayed in a Bed and Breakfast in Pennsylvania and while there she learned that the couple who run it had lost a child.  She picked up this book that the woman had written and gave it to me to read.  It is very good.
Wounded Trust

I also wanted to recommend a blog that I have started to follow.  It is a family who lives in Vermont who very recently lost their son Elijah who fell asleep when driving, I believe.  We are all in prayer now for Elijah's dad who is awaiting the results of a biopsy that was recently taken from a tumor on his face.  They are a beautiful family, who are a wonderful example of trusting God through the difficult times.  I recommend that you follow their story at:   Davis Farm

I have other posts that I have yet to publish, but hope that all of you and your families are doing well.
With Hope,
Cheryl

Twin Hearts

One of the things that I found out about my husband when we first met was that he and I were born on the same day, four years apart.  Seems like yesterday that I was throwing him his 30th birthday party.  By then we were married.  We only had one child.  Fast forward twenty years and six more children and that is where we are today.  Our love is so much deeper than it was when we wed.  Going deep sometimes hurts at first and involves pain, but in the end it gives strength to the bond.

God has given me a new perspective since Caleb died and that is an even stronger desire to be in Heaven.  I don't think that the thought of dying was ever a big fear of mine, but now I look forward to it more than I did before.  I have always said...one year closer to Heaven

I love my life here on earth and feel very blessed.  I look forward to many more years here on earth with my husband and earthly children, Lord willing.  When the time comes though, I will run into my Saviors arms and also embrace my child who I have lost from this earthly life.

Another year older and another year closer.

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
    his greatness no one can fathom.
4 One generation commends your works to another;
    they tell of your mighty acts.
5 They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
    and I will meditate on your wonderful works.[b]  Psalm 145: 3-5
24 

Books Galore by Lynn Austin

My daughter recently recommended a book to me.  Whenever she recommends a book to me, I listen, because she reads books like I eat M and M's.  She reads a lot and she doesn't often recommend books to me because she knows I read as slow as a snail usually.

She recommended the book by Lynn Austin called "All She Ever Wanted".

Since that book a couple of months ago I have read a few more of her books:

If you are looking for some great reading, please look into borrowing or buying these books, or similar ones from this author.  They are wonderful books and if I can read a 450 page book in two days on vacation, then anyone can.  They are the type of book that I found hard to put down.  I am on a roll and have more in line to read now by the same author.  It feels like a whole new world is opening up to me when I'm reading these.

I was never a reader until maybe several years ago when I started reading more.  I started reading many books before that, but never finished them.  I am like that with tv shows and movies too...nothing really keeps my interest that much.

Someone told me once that I should just commit to finishing a book I started.  I have been reading ever since and almost always finish whatever book it is that I start.

Happy reading everyone :)  I'm going to go curl up with a good book.