Teenagers and Trials

I've been thinking quite a bit about how the Lord works in my life.

I remember with each of my seven pregnancies that by the ninth month the Lord was making it easier for me to want to enter the next stage in my life by making me very uncomfortable in the present stage. By the end of every pregnancy I was really "ready" to birth that baby and to carry it in my arms instead of in my belly.

In my present situation I find that the Lord is working in a similar way. I now have four teenagers. I have found that as my children get to be teenagers, things slowly start to change. I find myself in a little more "pain" as they face challenges (sometimes life changing challenges) every day; as they exert a little more of their independence and make decisions that aren't always the best. My children aren't the kind of children that like to open up and tell us what is going on in their heads during these times.

I end up getting to a point, after much praying, pleading, crying out to God and receiving Biblical counsel about these things, looking forward to the more mature stage that is soon to come for most teenagers. That is what usually happens when they move out and have to "own" their decisions more and they hopefully finally "get it".

It is during these times that I am almost anxious for the children to get out on their own and gain wisdom from their experiences.

It is so much work for children as well as parents of teenagers to navigate these waters.

That being said, I am still their mom. Even though I can't wait to have my babies after a long pregnancy, I worry about them so much once they are in this world. Especially after Caleb died in his crib I know that even as a small child terrible tragedies can happen.

I worry about that too with my teenagers. With the same motherly instincts (that the Lord placed in me when my first baby was conceived) I mother my teenagers. I don't want tragedy to strike and I don't want them to have to experience trials to "get it". I want the not so difficult road for my children, the one with no big bumps or dips of despair.

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As a mother of teenagers I wonder too how much I am responsible for when the children are going through a trial. I know that I have failed in some cases where my children were doing something that I could have prevented if I had looked on their computer sooner, for instance, but I have never blantantly ignored signs that my children have shown me and I am extremely pro-active in monitoring my children. I do wonder when my children are going through trials and I know what they are, if I am doing my best to help them.

I am one of those, lose-sleep-over-it, kind of mothers. I want to do what the Lord would have me do, but sometimes I feel like a deer-in-the-headlights kind of girl. I don't want to have regrets with my children that have far reaching consequences.

I have been trying to be a good mom and praying to God through it all. I am not a perfect mom, in fact, far from it, but I do have a heart for God and I pray that my actions reflect that.

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I am also a really emotional mom and I really can't almost bear the thought of my babies moving out. When my daughter moved out a year and a half ago to go to college, a part of me left too. When my son leaves, most likely, next fall, he will take a part of me with him too. It will not be easy to say goodbye again to another one of my children.

Caleb took a piece of me with him to Heaven too. In a way, when your children start to leave the nest, it is a death of sorts. The end of life the way that you know it. It will never be the same again.

God was there when Caleb died, He was there when I said goodbye to my oldest daughter and He will be there holding me (and my oldest son) when I have to say goodbye to him too.

God is sure growing me and I am thankful for the times that he has carried my family. My oldest son, who will be graduating this year, reminded me that his high school career started the day after we buried his brother Caleb. I am proud that we have even survived, never mind, at times, thrived as a family.

I will continue to draw near to God as he continues to refine me and my hubby and children.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


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On another note, I read the book Courageous. I don't know if any of you have seen that movie, but I would highly recommend the book and I can't wait to see the movie either at a theater that is still showing it, or when the DVD comes out. My husband read the book in three nights and loved it too. I have noticed a wonderful difference in my outlook and in my husband's actions towards me and the children. What a huge blessing it has been in our lives.

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I have been struggling to leave comments, at times, on some of your blogs. I don't know why Blogger won't accept my comments/frequently loses them. I do love reading your blogs!

Thanks for listening and goodnight,
With Hope,
Cheryl