Although that I know that there is "life" for a parent after one's child dies, the thought of change with my living children is like another time of grief for me. The natural changes that my children experience cause me to weep more than they would have before Caleb's death.
My emotions are still raw four years into this journey of sorrow.
Every night I am in my little Elisabeth's room with a flashlight checking on her to make sure she is still alive...I have to see her little chest or back rising and falling with breaths or I stay there till I do. Not sure when this will ever change. Once you have found one of your beloved children dead, you never taken anything for granted.
Tomorrow will be four years since we've seen Caleb alive. The day that the would have's, could have's, should have's started. The day that the longing for Heaven became a huge reality and God drew me closer. "My God is bigger because I need Him more" (Joni Eareckson Tada) How true. I know God in the depths of my worst sorrows. I know that he has never left my side.
My husband and I and our children (except for my oldest daughter) plan on spending the day together tomorrow. We are trying to make some new memories while honoring the life of little Caleb, who knows no sorrows, now that he is in Heaven.
I long for the day when God calls me home...
But until then I will enjoy the numerous blessings that I have here on earth and ask that God gives Caleb lots of hugs and kisses from me until I see him again.
(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteRemembering Caleb with you<3
I too understand the checking upon although our children went to heaven in different cases I still check upon my children.
(((HUGS))) to you and your family, and sending my love to Caleb in heaven<3
I thought of Caleb this morning cause I know the 20th is his Heaven Day. And yes, ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’[b]”
ReplyDeleteRevelation 7:17
Lord Haste the Day.
Much love,
Em
I am finally finding time to get caught up on my blogs. I am so sorry I missed this day. I would have loved to pray you through it. Although, I know that prayers for someone who has lost a child are always needed so know that I am praying you through today as well. Praying that the transition of saying goodbye to your son going off to college goes well and that the memories of your sweet Caleb are always good ones.
ReplyDeleteDearest Cheryl,
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog, today on Isaac's birthday.....did not realize that you had one until to today......a blessing to me.
I had been praying for you through the whole month of August......I hope that you were able to make some new memories while still honoring Caleb.
Thank you for always being so open and honest.....your words hold true to me too.......I, too, long for the day when God calls me home....but until then I will enjoy the blessings He gives me.
Still trusting,
Brenda
PS Look forward to reading more of your blog.