Hello to all of my friends in blogland :)
My children are all in school as of yesterday, except for the baby, of course.
We brought my daughter to college on August 20th, as planned and, although it was a very difficult day, it went well overall. She is 1 1/2 hours away from us and is really enjoying college. She is calling less than I would like, but I think it is better this way then if she was calling all the time if she was lonely for example.
It was evidence again that life goes on after one of your children dies. The college didn't make "move-in" day the next day because our family lost one of our children on August 20th. Time keeps marching along, but my heart is still mourning little Caleb.
House is quiet. The baby is sleeping. She was awake later than usual because she wasn't feeling well yesterday. I have a million things to get done, but I wanted to try and write a blog entry because it has been more than a month since my last one.
I noticed that my youngest (living) son was asked yesterday on a "take-home" paper how many people were in his family. He had written down 9. Last year he was really saddened when they asked him to draw a picture of his family and he left out Caleb. I don't that he wanted to have to explain to anyone that he had a younger brother, but he had died. This year maybe a little healing has gone on because he included Caleb. Thank you God. Healing takes time. Some days I'm not sure that I've healed at all, other days I feel like I've come a long way.
Looking forward to some cooler New England weather.
9/3/2010
Just read an awesome book called "Holding on to Hope". It is about loss and suffering. As I was reading the book, I thought that I could have been the one to write it because she wrote just how I have felt through my trial. It was beautiful and spoke to me personally. The author is Nancy Guthrie and I highly recommend it for anyone, even though it speaks about child loss, it is written for any kind of loss/suffering. It is an easy read.
I am so excited to be able to get a little more housework done while the children are in school. It seems almost funny to enjoy scrubbing :)
I want to get back into my scrapbooking and I think that I will sign up for an all day crop this fall. I haven't spent any time away from my baby, who will be 1 in October. She is still nursing and has a lot of separation issues. I'm sure that my family will be able to care for her though and she will do fine...if she can't see me she tends not to cry as much...The minute she hears/sees me, then she cries! I think that I need that time with my friends and need to feel productive again with my albums. I miss my friends at times, so I will look forward to this.
I hope that you are all doing well. I love to read your posts and keep up with your families, etc.
I read a saying tonight...not sure who wrote it, but it said "If the mountain was smooth, you wouldn't be able to climb it"... pretty simple but profound statement...my life is a witness to that truth. I would never be as close to God if it hadn't been for the tragedy in my life.
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33
With Love and Hope,
Cheryl
Hello! I am a wife, married for 23 years and a mother to seven. I have two daughters and five sons, one of whom is in heaven. We love the Lord are trying to bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) We live in the Northeast in a cozy 100+ year old house. Welcome to my blog.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Seasons of Life
So many things going on here in my little part of the world.
God is good all the time and we do continue to be uplifted and supported by His love and mercy.
My husband and I have been doing well, although we did have a surprise awakening a few weeks ago. I woke to use the bathroom on July 7th to the sickening smell of heating oil permeating our entire house. I quickly woke my husband and we went running down into the basement to wade into a huge puddle of oil everywhere. Our full tank of heating oil had sprung a leak and was squirting oil. My husband, who is quite talented at many things, sprung into action, cut a piece of a bike tire tube and retrieved a huge magnet and put the tire tube on the leak and then stuck the magnet over it. Voila...leak solved, but what to do with the gallons of oil on our basement floor?
I called the fire department and a couple from our church. We had help within a short amount of time and finally, almost three weeks after the incident, the oil smell is surprisingly gone, in part due to the great cleanup that everyone helped my husband with and the repainting of the basement floor. We were thankful that more oil didn't leak so that there was no danger of environmental pollution.
We will bring our daughter to college on August 20th...the same day that Caleb died two years ago. You realize how much you really love these children when you "lose" them (so to speak)...sometimes only to camp or college for a time, but sometimes to Heaven. Psalm 10:17 “You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.”
Our oldest son has been a junior counselor at a Christian camp for a month. He is able to come home on Saturday nights, but then goes back for a week at a time. He has recently started to have pain from his wisdom teeth and will have them removed earlier than expected. He was originally scheduled to have them out on August 6th, but the date was moved up because of his pain. He will have them extracted on Thursday morning. I heard that the pain following surgery is pretty severe, so if God puts it on your heart, please pray.
My next to the oldest son will go away to Teen Week during the first week of August at the same camp that my other son was a junior counselor at during July. He has been doing some dog walking for a neighbor and is really helpful around the house.
My third oldest son turned 12 years old today...Happy Birthday sweet boy! He brings lots of joy and passion into our family. He is a live wire! Thank you God for the gift of his life!
My fourth son is doing well and is growing by leaps and bounds. He still loves to snuggle and is constantly wanting me to hug him (which I love to do!).
My baby is now 9 months old and is pulling up and standing next to things. She is such a cutie and commands a lot of attention...must be those eyes :) When my oldest daughter moves out, the baby will go into her room. I will miss having the crib in my room and wonder how anxious I will be when she isn't as close to me. Caleb died when he was in his crib in a room adjacent to ours. The fear has never gone away, and I doubt it never will.
The days leading up to the anniversary of Caleb's death are difficult. I will never look at the season of summer again the same way. It was the last season that Caleb was alive.
We are going to be going on vacation for a week in August and we will be going to the beach. Oh how I wish that Caleb was with us to enjoy the first actual week away as a family that we have ever had. It is frustrating for me to focus so much on the loss of Caleb when I have other beloved children here that God has allowed me to mother. I try not to let my emotions take over too often, especially when the children are around.
I am starting a new season in life...the guiding the children out the door season. I will miss my dear daughter...the hugs, the texting lol, the long showers, the love of shared scrapbooking, shopping times, sneaking candy at night, the smell of your perfume and hair products, the jewelry all over the house, the late morning wake ups, the flip flops everywhere, the hair that you leave in the drain every day, the singing that you do monthly in front of our church, the concerts that you play your flute and sing solos at school, seeing you drive the 1992 Volvo station wagon around town, stopping by with your brothers and seeing you behind the library desk, birthday parties on the deck, I could go on forever...you will be sorely missed. I love you and please know that you are always in my heart and prayers.
Love to you all out there in blogland. ((hugs))
With Hope,
Cheryl
God is good all the time and we do continue to be uplifted and supported by His love and mercy.
My husband and I have been doing well, although we did have a surprise awakening a few weeks ago. I woke to use the bathroom on July 7th to the sickening smell of heating oil permeating our entire house. I quickly woke my husband and we went running down into the basement to wade into a huge puddle of oil everywhere. Our full tank of heating oil had sprung a leak and was squirting oil. My husband, who is quite talented at many things, sprung into action, cut a piece of a bike tire tube and retrieved a huge magnet and put the tire tube on the leak and then stuck the magnet over it. Voila...leak solved, but what to do with the gallons of oil on our basement floor?
I called the fire department and a couple from our church. We had help within a short amount of time and finally, almost three weeks after the incident, the oil smell is surprisingly gone, in part due to the great cleanup that everyone helped my husband with and the repainting of the basement floor. We were thankful that more oil didn't leak so that there was no danger of environmental pollution.
We will bring our daughter to college on August 20th...the same day that Caleb died two years ago. You realize how much you really love these children when you "lose" them (so to speak)...sometimes only to camp or college for a time, but sometimes to Heaven. Psalm 10:17 “You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.”
Our oldest son has been a junior counselor at a Christian camp for a month. He is able to come home on Saturday nights, but then goes back for a week at a time. He has recently started to have pain from his wisdom teeth and will have them removed earlier than expected. He was originally scheduled to have them out on August 6th, but the date was moved up because of his pain. He will have them extracted on Thursday morning. I heard that the pain following surgery is pretty severe, so if God puts it on your heart, please pray.
My next to the oldest son will go away to Teen Week during the first week of August at the same camp that my other son was a junior counselor at during July. He has been doing some dog walking for a neighbor and is really helpful around the house.
My third oldest son turned 12 years old today...Happy Birthday sweet boy! He brings lots of joy and passion into our family. He is a live wire! Thank you God for the gift of his life!
My fourth son is doing well and is growing by leaps and bounds. He still loves to snuggle and is constantly wanting me to hug him (which I love to do!).
My baby is now 9 months old and is pulling up and standing next to things. She is such a cutie and commands a lot of attention...must be those eyes :) When my oldest daughter moves out, the baby will go into her room. I will miss having the crib in my room and wonder how anxious I will be when she isn't as close to me. Caleb died when he was in his crib in a room adjacent to ours. The fear has never gone away, and I doubt it never will.
The days leading up to the anniversary of Caleb's death are difficult. I will never look at the season of summer again the same way. It was the last season that Caleb was alive.
We are going to be going on vacation for a week in August and we will be going to the beach. Oh how I wish that Caleb was with us to enjoy the first actual week away as a family that we have ever had. It is frustrating for me to focus so much on the loss of Caleb when I have other beloved children here that God has allowed me to mother. I try not to let my emotions take over too often, especially when the children are around.
I am starting a new season in life...the guiding the children out the door season. I will miss my dear daughter...the hugs, the texting lol, the long showers, the love of shared scrapbooking, shopping times, sneaking candy at night, the smell of your perfume and hair products, the jewelry all over the house, the late morning wake ups, the flip flops everywhere, the hair that you leave in the drain every day, the singing that you do monthly in front of our church, the concerts that you play your flute and sing solos at school, seeing you drive the 1992 Volvo station wagon around town, stopping by with your brothers and seeing you behind the library desk, birthday parties on the deck, I could go on forever...you will be sorely missed. I love you and please know that you are always in my heart and prayers.
Love to you all out there in blogland. ((hugs))
With Hope,
Cheryl
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Finally a Post!
Hello Friends!
I am sitting here tonight while my children and hubby are in bed sleeping. It is quiet and I thought that I would write a short post so that I could catch up a bit on what has been going on in my life lately.
My life has been blessed with many school activities for the children, as well as caring for my now 7 month old baby girl, as well as the five other children.
My daughter, who only has one week left of school, will be graduating in a few short weeks. We recently found out for sure that she is going to be valdictorian of her class. We are so proud of her and the work that she has been able to accomplish, especially after the death of her beloved brother. She has lots of perseverance and focus and has done beautifully. I am already starting to miss her and she is still going to be here until August 20th.
I am wondering why God arranged it so that the date that she is scheduled to start college is the same date that our little Caleb died two years ago. The date itself is painful to even write and now this year I will be saying "goodbye" to another one of my children. I know that it isn't the same as when someone dies, but it is a loss none-the-less and I will mourn the loss of her presence in our home.
She has been a delight and truth be told, she was the only other female in the house until dear Elisabeth was born 7 months ago...with a husband and five boys it was a joy to have another female to "stick-together" with :)
I have been reading a couple of books, really a feat in itself because I'm not a reader, by the author Sharon Jaynes. One of the books is called The Power of a Woman's Words and the other one is called Great Mother, Great Children. I would highly recommend both of the books. I have learned so much from both of them. I think that I am happier already and so are my children/hubby. If you pick them up, please tell me what you think.
I have been using my food processor more than I ever thought that I would. Meals have been made so much quicker and easier because of it, that I can't believe it sat in my cupboard for years without being used!
The baby is still not sleeping great, and therefore, neither am I. It is fleeting though and I know it won't last forever. I still worry every night about her breathing and whether or not I will wake up and find that she has died. I don't think that will ever change.
She looks at pictures of Caleb and smiles and coos. When Caleb died one of the things I missed the most was being able to look into his eyes and see "him". I can't tell you how much it means to look into my children's eyes now. I try not to take it for granted.
On a lighter note I have visited the doctor for several things lately with the children...my youngest (living) son ran into a pole at school and got about 7 stitches in his forehead. My next oldest son broke his finger when he jammed it into the couch. My youngest (living) son found a tick embedded in his skin and had to get it removed by the doctor it was so deep (we found two more within a week of finding that one in his skin). My oldest daughter has been sick and I took her to see if she had mono yesterday. She doesn't, luckilly!...all this and it isn't even summer yet :)
I enjoy reading all of your posts and lately have not been good about commenting, but know that I do think about you all.
Love to each of you,
Cheryl
I am sitting here tonight while my children and hubby are in bed sleeping. It is quiet and I thought that I would write a short post so that I could catch up a bit on what has been going on in my life lately.
My life has been blessed with many school activities for the children, as well as caring for my now 7 month old baby girl, as well as the five other children.
My daughter, who only has one week left of school, will be graduating in a few short weeks. We recently found out for sure that she is going to be valdictorian of her class. We are so proud of her and the work that she has been able to accomplish, especially after the death of her beloved brother. She has lots of perseverance and focus and has done beautifully. I am already starting to miss her and she is still going to be here until August 20th.
I am wondering why God arranged it so that the date that she is scheduled to start college is the same date that our little Caleb died two years ago. The date itself is painful to even write and now this year I will be saying "goodbye" to another one of my children. I know that it isn't the same as when someone dies, but it is a loss none-the-less and I will mourn the loss of her presence in our home.
She has been a delight and truth be told, she was the only other female in the house until dear Elisabeth was born 7 months ago...with a husband and five boys it was a joy to have another female to "stick-together" with :)
I have been reading a couple of books, really a feat in itself because I'm not a reader, by the author Sharon Jaynes. One of the books is called The Power of a Woman's Words and the other one is called Great Mother, Great Children. I would highly recommend both of the books. I have learned so much from both of them. I think that I am happier already and so are my children/hubby. If you pick them up, please tell me what you think.
I have been using my food processor more than I ever thought that I would. Meals have been made so much quicker and easier because of it, that I can't believe it sat in my cupboard for years without being used!
The baby is still not sleeping great, and therefore, neither am I. It is fleeting though and I know it won't last forever. I still worry every night about her breathing and whether or not I will wake up and find that she has died. I don't think that will ever change.
She looks at pictures of Caleb and smiles and coos. When Caleb died one of the things I missed the most was being able to look into his eyes and see "him". I can't tell you how much it means to look into my children's eyes now. I try not to take it for granted.
On a lighter note I have visited the doctor for several things lately with the children...my youngest (living) son ran into a pole at school and got about 7 stitches in his forehead. My next oldest son broke his finger when he jammed it into the couch. My youngest (living) son found a tick embedded in his skin and had to get it removed by the doctor it was so deep (we found two more within a week of finding that one in his skin). My oldest daughter has been sick and I took her to see if she had mono yesterday. She doesn't, luckilly!...all this and it isn't even summer yet :)
I enjoy reading all of your posts and lately have not been good about commenting, but know that I do think about you all.
Love to each of you,
Cheryl
Monday, April 19, 2010
Elisabeth's First Taste of Food
I really don't know what I'm in for...
No more PLEASE! The horror of it all!
Maybe it is not all bad after all...
I love you, my Elisabeth,...now six months old. xoxox Mommy
I'm willing to try it...
What in the world is it?
I'm really not sure that I like it...
Maybe they won't notice if I turn my head and spit it out...
No more PLEASE! The horror of it all!
Maybe it is not all bad after all...
I love you, my Elisabeth,...now six months old. xoxox Mommy
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Ants, Ants and More Ants!
My two youngest (I don't like to say that because my youngest boy is actually in Heaven...but I mean the two youngest living boys) boys received ant farms for Christmas. Their shipment of ants finally arrived in the mail yesterday. They were ecstatic, to say the least. I helped them by emptying the vials of ants into their ant farms. They were so excited.
A short time later, when I opened up the door at the bottom of the stairs to yell up to them "giving them the five minute warning that supper was almost ready", I heard them both crying. When my youngest son came out of the room I inquired as to why he would be crying..."What happened?" He went back into the room and I quickly went up the stairs to see what was going on.
I looked at the floor in their room, and much to my surprise I saw ANTS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! They had "by accident" opened up the farm and left the cover off!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, I brought the baby into my room and put her on my bed, called my youngest son to come and watch her...he was still sobbing...I called my second oldest boy out of his room (he didn't know yet what was going on) and asked him to help me catch the little lovely creatures!
We proceeded to try and pick up these aggressive ants and put them back into their "home". My son (second youngest), who was still in his bedroom, was still sobbing and now...just to add more drama, the ants proceeded to crawl up inside his pajamas and start to bite him!!!!!!!!!! I told him to strip his clothes off of his body so that the ants would stop crawling/biting on him.
I'm not sure how many of these aggressive ants that are now roaming out house, but we survived the night last night without a bite...thank you God! What a nightmare!
I tried to upload a couple pictures of the labels that were included with the ants, but am having problems...so this is what they said...
1. Caution! Ants Bite! NEVER handle ants with your bare hands or allow them to come in contact with skin! Some ants sting, others bite, and some will spray formic acid...
2. State laws prohibit the release of ants into the environment.
just lovely...BOYS!
A short time later, when I opened up the door at the bottom of the stairs to yell up to them "giving them the five minute warning that supper was almost ready", I heard them both crying. When my youngest son came out of the room I inquired as to why he would be crying..."What happened?" He went back into the room and I quickly went up the stairs to see what was going on.
I looked at the floor in their room, and much to my surprise I saw ANTS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! They had "by accident" opened up the farm and left the cover off!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, I brought the baby into my room and put her on my bed, called my youngest son to come and watch her...he was still sobbing...I called my second oldest boy out of his room (he didn't know yet what was going on) and asked him to help me catch the little lovely creatures!
We proceeded to try and pick up these aggressive ants and put them back into their "home". My son (second youngest), who was still in his bedroom, was still sobbing and now...just to add more drama, the ants proceeded to crawl up inside his pajamas and start to bite him!!!!!!!!!! I told him to strip his clothes off of his body so that the ants would stop crawling/biting on him.
I'm not sure how many of these aggressive ants that are now roaming out house, but we survived the night last night without a bite...thank you God! What a nightmare!
I tried to upload a couple pictures of the labels that were included with the ants, but am having problems...so this is what they said...
1. Caution! Ants Bite! NEVER handle ants with your bare hands or allow them to come in contact with skin! Some ants sting, others bite, and some will spray formic acid...
2. State laws prohibit the release of ants into the environment.
just lovely...BOYS!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Oh no!
I'm back! :) Hello friends! You are the best! Thanks for your notes of concern and comfort. I appreciate you thinking of me.
I have been in kind of a slump. I am trying to lean on God and depend on Him for everything I need. I am trying to focus on all things eternal..ie: things that really matter in the long run. That is so difficult to do when you live in the "world".
I have also been very busy with kids, matters of the house, Bible studies and also a couple of deaths...sadlly my Aunt Bin died of brain cancer and a local man of 26 years died when his car got tangled up in a tree.
What the kids and I have been up to:
I have just sent out letters to the two colleges that my daughter applied and was accepted at asking for additional sources of scholarships, etc. I can't believe how much colleges are per year! The two that my daughter is interested in are $40,000 and $50,000! She is a bright girl and we have been awarded apparently generous scholarships, but they still leave at least half of the tuition, etc. to be paid for by us...that is like a mortgage payment after four years of college with inflation figured in...and we have five more children to go! We have told her that she is going to end up being responsible for most of the debt. We have asked her to keep that in mind when she is deciding where she wants to go.
I know that all money is God's money and if he leads her to go to a specific college, then that is where he wants His money to go. I will trust in Him.
Just went shopping with my daughter tonight and she picked out her prom dress. I am so happy that she is going with a nice young man. She had a great friend go with her last year, but this year I think she is falling in love. :) I can't explain how good it makes me feel to see her with a boy from a wonderful Christian family. His family was there for us when Caleb died and actually allowed my in laws to stay at their place overnight when the services were taking place. On the first day of school, which happened to be the day after Caleb's funeral the mom, of the boy who is going with my daughter to the prom, called me up and got all of the lists that the school provided with all of the supplies that my children needed. She and her husband showed up on our doorstep a few hours later with half of the "Staples" store. They have been a blessing.
My oldest son is the stage manager for the production GREASE this weekend. He is doing a great job and I see his "dad" coming out in him more and more lately. He is really showing his leadership abilities and that is wonderful. He is getting the respect he needs from the people that are on the crew and the job is getting done beautifully. I can't wait to see the production.
My second son is excelling in school and is happy to report that next year when he enters high school he has all honors classes. He volunteers at the local library two nights a week and keeps challenging us with difficult trivia questions that he thinks up himself. He is the fact man who knows a lot of information about many things.
My third son is also excelling at school and is extremely motivated regarding schoolwork...at least while he is in school...at home all he wants to do is read (see earlier post :) He has taken up the winter sport of floor hockey at the middle school and loves it. They won their first game today---YEAH!
My fourth son is a such a joy (as they all are really). He is younger though (8 years old) and still loves and gives hugs freely. Still waves to me from the school bus and tell me how much he loves me and how much God loves me :) Still wants me (and I do) to go into school and sit with him at lunch and go out on the playground with him for recess.
My fifth son Caleb is enjoying the Heavenly Realm...love you buddy! Can't wait to see you again!
My second daughter is doing beautifully at five months of age. She is babbling a lot and drooling up a storm. She is starting to be able to entertain herself for a few minutes by playing with her toys...even picking them up. She is large for her age at 16.4 pounds when she was four months old. She is in the 95% for weight and 95% for height and 75% for head size lol!
Trennia asked at "Still Serving Him Through the Storm" blog about whether or not others have said things to you that are hurtful if you have lost a child.
Things have been said...and some to me, that aren't well thought out by the person saying them. I know that anyone is capable of saying things that unintentionally hurt the receiver of the comment, even if the person saying it has lost a child. I think that sometimes people try to minimize the loss of the child by what they say...sometimes to try and protect their feelings or the feelings of the person who has lost a child or to bring the focus back on them if they are prideful.
I have always been able to forgive the people for saying things that have hurt me. I don't think that anything that has been said to me was ever to intentionally hurt me. I remember when I first lost Caleb...and even still now 1 1/2 years later...people look at me in the grocery store and seem to avoid me. They don't know what to say. I don't blame them. I don't know what I would say/do in that situation.
I know that I put my foot in my mouth way too many times. I am so sorry for anything that I've said to people that has hurt them and I am sorry to others who have had hurtful things said to them.
When you are grieving you are so much more vulnerable to comments. You are emotionally fragile and things tend to be magnified....at least I know they are for me. My brain is still in a fog and it is 19 months after Caleb died. I don't even know what month it is most of the time. I don't know when it will get better, but I know that I can rest in God and He is my refuge and my strength and my strongtower. "My God is bigger because I need him more"as told by...Joni Tada Erikson I've never been closer to God...and have never needed him more.
I love reading all of your blogs and although I haven't been commenting a whole lot, please keep them coming. I enjoy finding out about your families and your trials too.
Love to all of you,
With love and hope,
Cheryl
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