Grief and Gratitude

There are a few things that have been on my mind recently having to do with Caleb's death.

It is curious as to how grief changes and goes forward through the almost three years since his death.

Just this week my youngest living son, who hadn't talked recently about Caleb, described to me what Caleb looked like when he had died. I had no idea that my youngest living son had seen Caleb. I (We) tried, as to the best of my remembrance, to shield the children from the sight of their little brother. It immediately brought tears to my eyes and I mourn for my little Caleb, as well as my living children again...that they had to see/endure that at such young ages.

In our case Caleb did not look like himself when we found him. I'm am not saying that is the case when other loved ones have died, but in our case I instinctively wanted to shield them, maybe even from the pain, although in retrospect, that was never going to happen on this side of Heaven.

Something that gives me some comfort, that I'm not sure that I've mentioned it here before is that I believe that Caleb's life was complete.

Psalm 139:16
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

God knew before Caleb was even conceived when/how/where his last breaths would be.

That is not to say that I am not overwhelmingly sad about the fact that Caleb had such a short time here on earth, but somehow it gives me a little comfort in remembering that this is part of God's big plans. He is interested in our spiritual state--eternally speaking--more than anything else.

I am thankful for two gifts in Caleb's memory...one is a monetary gift to the SMILE Foundation to help perform surgery on children in poor countries who have cleft palates and another gift for the arbor foundation that a tree was planted. People don't realize how much it touches a grieving mom to know that others still remember their beloved child.

I am thankful that it suddenly seems like God is putting many people in my path who are hurting, grieving, and calling out for help. I am also thankful that I have something significant to share with them...which is, although we are sinners, "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

With love and Hope my blogging friends,
Cheryl

Trail of Grief begins for Another Family

I was saddened today to find out that a set of twins, who are in eleventh grade with my oldest son, lost their father today to cancer. The man found out quite recently that he had cancer, so it was a short illness, but a death that will leave a large void in their family.

My prayers are going out for them and their mom, who was his wife.

The twins will graduate next year without their father at their side and I know how difficult it is when your family is no longer complete here on earth--to be celebrating certain accomplishments, while mourning the absence of a loved one.

With love and Hope my blogging friends,
Cheryl

Play-Doh and Peek-a-Boo!

Elisabeth loves to play with Sam. I had recently bought some Play-Doh and they played together for hours. I love the looks on their faces. The belly laughs coming from Elisabeth were priceless...so thankful for laughter...




I used to have a child proof lock on my scrapbooking cupboard door, but took it off when I needed to get in there one day and forgot to put it back on. She soon discovered this. I think that she thought for a while that if she couldn't see me, then I couldn't see her. Too funny!











May you find blessings peeking out of the most unsuspecting of places...

Prom Proud

I am so proud of my children and the young adults that they are becoming. That is not to say that we don't have our times of trials. I know what it is to lose a child and therefore I have become much more aware of the blessing that all of my children are and the gifts that they have been to our family.

This season of spring has brought about two proms on our event calendar. We were blessed with beautiful weather for each of the proms, which made picture taking so easy!

The first was for our oldest son last weekend. This is his first prom, as he is a junior in high school. He went with a friend from his school. I am used to helping to get his older sister ready for dances/proms, but it was very different getting a young man prepared....also a lot less complicated.

This first picture is of my oldest son with my youngest daughter. Her hair was crazy, but it made for a great picture.


This next picture is of my son and his date. They had a really good time. I was happy that their school insisted that everyone that went to the prom had to ride the luxury buses that the school supplied (we paid $65.00 per person, which included the prom, transportation, food, etc.). It is so much safer for the young adults and made me feel so comforted in knowing that the drive would be a safe one for everyone. This picture was taken in front of my son's friend's house.

This weekend was a prom that my oldest daughter (freshman at college) attended with her boyfriend. He is a senior in high school so this will be their last prom together. This is their third. They attended her senior prom and his junior prom last year.

I was so touched that my daughter asked to have their picture taken in front of the tree that we bought with monies donated in Caleb's memory. We usually take all of the pictures in front of our purple lilac bushes. It brought tears to my eyes when she wanted them in front of Caleb's tree. It was so fitting that the tree was in full bloom for the day of her prom. We love you Caleb!

My oldest daughter picked out a new pair of sunglasses for her little sister and I thought this was a great picture of Elisabeth donning her new sunglasses!


They had a really nice time at their prom. Next year my oldest daughter's boyfriend will be attending the same Christian college that my daughter is attending.

On Wednesday my husband and I (and Elisabeth) will be traveling to get/move our daughter back home from college. I can't believe that her first year is over already. I am thankful that it went well and she made some good friends.

My oldest daugher and son are trying to find employment. I pray that if it be God's will, that they find jobs.

With love and Hope, my blogging friends,

Cheryl

Nature in New England and a New Book

Our yard is springing forth so much renewal. It is amazing to watch things change, sometimes on a daily basis.

The hostas are so hardy, which is wonderful with my gardening capabilities!

We have some beautiful flowering trees...

Some fragrant lilac bushes. We have enough for the whole town...you are welcome to come and cut a bouquet or two!

And Caleb's memorial tree is just full of huge flowers, which have now opened and it is just beautiful.

This is a quince bush. We didn't used to get a lot of flowers on it, but since my husband cut it down to almost nothing, it is really looking much better.

We also have some pretty purple flox that has crept out onto the walkway on the side of our house. It used to be in the garden, but over the years it has a tendency to creep and no longer grows where it used to be...very unusual...

My dear father and mother-in-law bought us a hummingbird for our garden, which runs on solar energy and after it charges up all day lights up at night with bright colors...makes me think of Caleb when I look at it...


This was a Mother's Day gift from the year after Caleb died, if I'm remembering correctly. I love it even though it is faded. Reminds me what is important...my husband, children and therefore the God that created all of them.

I think that I'm falling in love with my family more and more every day. Don't get me wrong...I backslide many days, but lately I can sense God's presence more and more pulling our family together....and it isn't necessarilly though easy times, but trying times and trials.

Just finished a book called "Heaven is for Real". I don't know what most people think about the book, but I enjoyed it. I don't take the things that are written in it as "Truth" like the Bible. I never questioned if there really is a Heaven, so that isn't why I read it. I read it because my 17 month old son died and I was interested in what this little boy had to say about his self proclaimed trip to Heaven was like and whether or not it was a Biblical perspective. I didn't want to read anything that went against what the Bible says and it does not do that as much as I can tell.

It made me think more about Heaven and Jesus and that is a good thing. I will always use my Bible as my source for information, but it is neat to think of the possibilities of what this child said he saw. With God, anything is possible. I can't wait to go to Heaven myself!

The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. Matthew 18:1-5

May your corner of the world be springing forth new life and or new joys for you and may the Lord draw you near to Him.

With love and Hope my blogging friends,

Cheryl

Hopping and a Husband's Handiwork

Not sure if I've posted about this before, but a few years back...probably five actually...we received a gift of a second hand trampoline with pad and net. It was in very good condition, although we did have the stitching redone around the fabric on the trampoline because it was starting to pull out.

We have since replaced the net and are in the process of replacing the pad that covers the springs after much use.

We have pretty strict rules about the trampoline (no flipping especially) and try to keep it really "safe". I took a picture of this trampoline and am blogging about it because I cannot even tell you how many hours of pleasure our family has enjoyed as a result of this gift.

Our one year old LOVES being on it when I get on it with her. I usually just sit or lie down on it and throw the balls around. She runs around me on it like an ostrich...too funny.

We bought a bunch of balls from Wal-mart for $1.00 each (ex: 4 blue and 4 green--along with some balls from last year) and the children have different games that they play on it with the balls. It has really brought our family together many times and brought a whole bunch of joy to our lives.

I'll have to try and get some pictures of the children on it.

My husband, if I haven't said it before, is very handy around the house and outside too! He worked for a general contractor during the summers that he went to college and learned so many things that would keep him happy and busy for many years to come. His family (me and my children) reap the benefits.

Two weekends ago my husband, as well as my boys and my father, participated in the building of this metal shed to store my husband's lawn mowers and power equipment. He/they did such a nice job!

I can remember one summer day a few years back when he went out to mow the lawn and found sand that was poured onto and--dare I say it--in his lawn mower! One of our sons decided that trying to fill up the gas tank with some sand from our sandbox would be a great challenge. Needless to say, even though most of our children are older now, he is very thankful that his "equipment" is no longer stored in the garage where all of the children's sports equipment/bikes/etc. are.


Another project that my husband seemed to want to take on, with no prompting from the children was a tree fort. I think that my husband finds peace and joy from wood working with his hands. He is also creative and designed and built this all of his own, except for some help from the children. He even painted trees on the fort as a type of camouflage. He loves to build things for the children.

My youngest (living) boys enjoy playing in the fort and in the tree that my husband built the fort around. My son on the left LOVES to read and I have often found him curled up with a good book in the fort.

Love this time of the year when it isn't too hot to be outside for long periods of time, but it isn't so cold that you get a chill.

Well, I'm going to try and get some sleep before another school/work week begins. I am counting down the days till my oldest is home from college. Her last day is May 18th and I am thrilled that we will all be under the same roof again, except of course, for Caleb, who is in the presence of Jesus.

Love to you, my blogging friends,

Sweet dreams,

With Hope,

Cheryl

18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Four Teenagers and One Bathroom

Elisabeth was feeling a little closed in too. I heard a plop and discovered that as she play behind the curtain in the dining room, she ended up falling, bum first into the space between the dresser and the wall...Too cute!

Ever feel like your house is getting smaller?

I was thinking recently about how our house will be filled this summer--with my daughter home from college and the boys on summer vacation...six children at home including FOUR TEENAGERS, a nine year old and a one year old!

Someone reminded me that I should be thankful that the four teenagers aren't all girls because they seem to take up more time/space in the bathroom.

Yes, although it is difficult at times managing...we have a system of handling the mornings and evenings (shower times) that makes the situation run smoothly, for the most part.

My husband wants/needs to renovate our tub/shower this summer. It is blue...just like the toilet and sink used to be and is in need of attention. He renovated the bathroom except for the tub area a couple years ago. Should be interesting. My older daughter says that she will move out for a day or two while he is replacing/repairing/renovating. She wants nothing to do with not being able to take a shower when she wants one.

My oldest son is going to the prom on Friday and I can't wait to see him all dressed up and looking handsome. I love my kids to pieces and am so proud of him (and all my children). Although we don't allow our children to "date" until they are 18, they are welcome to invite a friend to go to the prom with them. I can't wait to see his friend and her dress. They will have a wonderful time, I'm sure.