Goodbyes

  

I was never any good at "goodbyes"...I wonder why they are even called that.

We raise our children with the hope some day that they can be independent and make good decisions.

It is very bittersweet.  As I get ready to say goodbye to my second child going off to college, I can feel my emotions up in my throat and down my cheeks.

I am so happy for him and thrilled for what the future has in store for my oldest boy, but very sad too in remembering the little boy who I held in my arms not too long ago, or so it seems.

I will be praying a bit more fervently this week for my children heading off to school again and especially for my children who are no longer under my wing, or at least not living in our house anymore.

I was given the gift of a book called "The Kite" by Jason Daniel McCabe and it is so appropriate at this time in my life with my older children.  Described by Amazon this way "An illustrated story that captures the tension of holding close and letting go. This collaboration by two brothers celebrates the accomplishments of youth while memorializing the passage of time."

I do know the One though who still has them under His wings...

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."  Psalm 91:4

Amen and Amen!  Thank you God, in whom I will trust...

Goodnight my friends...
((hugs))

Gift of a Grand and a Special Video

When Caleb died, many generous people gave gifts of money in Caleb's memory to our church.  When we heard of a want/need for a baby grand piano, we requested that some of the money that was donated be used to purchase one.

In God's perfect timing a beautiful one was purchased and a sweet plaque was adhered to it.  

This is the video of Caleb that I had shared once before.  If you didn't get to see it, please take a minute...or ten and watch snippets of the life of our little Caleb before the Lord called him home.

Still Here Grieving with Hope

Things change after you lose a child.  From the moment we realized that our beloved Caleb would never breathe another breath, would never smile another smile, would never leave another sticky fingerprint on my windows life was never the same again.

Although that I know that there is "life" for a parent after one's child dies, the thought of change with my living children is like another time of grief for me.  The natural changes that my children experience cause me to weep more than they would have before Caleb's death.

My emotions are still raw four years into this journey of sorrow.

Every night I am in my little Elisabeth's room with a flashlight checking on her to make sure she is still alive...I have to see her little chest or back rising and falling with breaths or I stay there till I do.  Not sure when this will ever change.  Once you have found one of your beloved children dead, you never taken anything for granted.    

Tomorrow will be four years since we've seen Caleb alive.  The day that the would have's, could have's, should have's started.  The day that the longing for Heaven became a huge reality and God drew me closer.  "My God is bigger because I need Him more" (Joni Eareckson Tada)  How true.  I know God in the depths of my worst sorrows.  I know that he has never left my side.

My husband and I and our children (except for my oldest daughter) plan on spending the day together tomorrow.  We are trying to make some new memories while honoring the life of little Caleb, who knows no sorrows, now that he is in Heaven.

(In Heaven)
    ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’^[b]”

Revelation 7:17

I long for the day when God calls me home...

But until then I will enjoy the numerous blessings that I have here on earth and ask that God gives Caleb lots of hugs and kisses from me until I see him again.

Birthday Times Two

Today is my birthday.  It also happens to be my husband's birthday!  I can't think of a more special person to share my birthday with.

He was born four years before I was and as the Lord would have it he placed my husband and I together in marriage.  What a blessing to celebrate our birthdays on the same day and then our anniversary shortly thereafter.

Thank you God for your wonderful provision in my life.  I am blessed beyond measure.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband.  I love you!

Comfort in Troubles (August 6th, Part Two)

Praise to the God of All Comfort

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.  2 Corinthians 1:3-5

I have been leaning on the God of all comfort lately, as I seem to be going through some muddy waters lately. 

It is the month that Caleb died, four years ago--(is that possible?!) and although it does get softer every year (for the most part) it is still understandably a difficult time for me.  

I am thankful that my oldest daughter is officially on her own and now even in the market for a vehicle of her own, but it is certainly an adjustment knowing that there is a good chance that she won't be living here again.  

My oldest son is hardly ever home anymore as he is 18 now and will be going away to college, we think, in less than a month.  We miss his former ways of spending hours on the couch talking to me and my husband in the late hours of the evening.  He is usually with friends now.  He doesn't share much with us and that saddens me as he will be moving out soon.  

We have gone through struggles with one of our other sons and the parent/child relationship is one that is so difficult at times and constantly being tested.

To share that I struggle with my (weight and health) is an understatement.  Under the cloud of stress in my life I have allowed myself to gain weight and I don't feel good about myself.  I have always been able in the past to lose weight when necessary, but this time around it is difficult to focus on myself when there are so many other issues going on in my life.  I find many excuses to not attend to my health.     

...there are more struggles, but you get the idea.

I think that we can be our own worst enemies at times.  We allow the enemy to tell us things that break us down and saps our reserves.  You are not a good parent.  You can't even control your children.  You display no self control with yourself, how do you expect your children to?  If you were a better parent, Caleb would not have died, etc. etc. etc.  

I'm sure that all of you have a list of your own and can relate to the overwhelming feeling when the weight of the world seems to be heavier than you can bear.  I know that I can't do this on my own.  I have to rely on the strength of my Heavenly Father.  I have to try and shut my mind down from everything that the enemy is trying to distract me with and lay my burdens at the foot of the cross.  I have to choose to live one moment at a time. 

I have to choose to look for things to be thankful for.  I have to appreciate the many blessings in my life and to focus on the positive.  I know that I need to rely on God's wisdom and not my own: 

Those who trust in themselves are fools, 

    but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.   Proverbs 28:26

I know that I need to immerse myself in God's Word or the enemy will fill me with his. 

Goodnight all...I'm going to read my Bible :)  

Food (August 6th Part One)

We are having fun here trying new recipes to use the bounty from our garden before it spoils.  The first new recipe I tried today is Fresh Tomato Pie  We enjoyed this tasty treat tonight and I'm even going to try a leftover piece tomorrow, cold.  It apparently tastes great warm or cold.  As a side note, we love yellow tomatoes.  I think that they are less acidic and seem to be quite "beefy" (not as watery as our others).    

The second recipe we tried today is a variation of thisStuffed Green Peppers recipe.  My husband did make a few changes to the recipe.  He had me sample a bit of the "stuffing"...yummy!  The peppers that he used were from our garden and from his brother's garden.  His brother is a "green thumb" and grows enough vegetables for an army!  We will enjoy these tomorrow!    

Scrapbooking Special Moments

Hello!

I had mentioned a while ago in this post that I was enjoying my new scrapbooking Cricut Machine.  It cuts die cuts and letters out of cardstock and I was having a blast using the letters to make titles for my pages.

I have been scrapbooking little Elisabeth's first days as a newborn.  I thought that I would finally share a few pages with you.

I really enjoy scrapbooking and hope that my children will enjoy looking back on their childhood pictures and will be thankful that I have put some in albums.

What are the hobbies that you enjoy the most?  I would say that reading and scrapbooking are mine.

I was so thankful that I was able to scrapbook Caleb's little life in scrapbooks too.  What a great time of therapy for me that was.  I wept, laughed and devoured the pictures of my son who is no longer with us here on earth.  By the end of scrapbooking the 17 months of his little life I had worked through my grief a little and wrestled with God a lot.  Was a sad time though to realize when I taped down the last picture I have of Caleb before he died that there would be no more pictures of him.  There would never be another picture of our complete family, a birthday, Christmas, ice cream cone treat, reading time, etc. with Caleb in it.

I am thankful for the time that I had with my little Caleb and looking forward to eternity with him.  As the day approaches (August 20th) that he died, I am thankful that each year the grief seems a bit softer.

With love and Hope my friends,
Cheryl