New Clogs and a Tutu

I am a lover of clogs. My favorite pair of clogs from L.L. Bean were retired a few years ago (the soles literally split) and L.L. Bean no longer carries the same style. I tried the newer ones that they offer and the staples just keep popping out of the sides of them!


I frequent second hand shops with my daughters and have not been able to find a comfortable clog that will stay on my feet without slipping. A friend of mine posted a picture of clogs that she recently purchased locally, called Danskos. They were blue paisley print. I loved the look of them and they are supposed to be so comfy on your feet, so.....


I went out and bought these!





The picture really does not do them justice. You can search Dansko and find a better picture of them, I'm sure, but I LOVE them! I am a pretty plain Jane so these add a little "fancy" to my outfits. They actually have a little glimmer to them.


They were more than I usually spend on shoes, but I wear my shoes like I drive my cars...till they are tired and worn.


Moving on to the tutu...and no, it isn't for me :)


A friend of a friend is trying to raise money by making and selling tutus and bows. I decided to be one of her first customers and wasn't disappointed. She did a beautiful job! Elisabeth loves them!

My sister in law is a very gifted quilter and I am proud to be the recipient of a few of her works of art. She recently sent me this wall hanging, which is so dear to my heart because it has the ability to change the Bible verse on it. She said that she will be sending me different verses as time goes on. The main part of it says: "Give thanks" and the first verse said "for those who love us" John 13:34. The second one (that she has already sent me) says "for the beauty of creation" Genesis 1:1
I am so thankful for her thoughtfulness...



Many things to be thankful for...



Thinking of all of you, my friends, in blogger land.



With love and Hope,

Cheryl

541 Days

Caleb

Today marks 541 days that Elisabeth has blessed us here on earth. Her "older" brother, little Caleb, lived a total of 541 days on earth and now resides in Heaven with our blessed Lord Jesus. It has sometimes been a difficult journey for us who are left here.

From the time that Peter and I (42 years old) decided to have another baby after Caleb's death, to the reality during pregancy that she had cysts in her head (sometimes indicative of Trisomy 18, but sometimes "normal"), to her choking/gagging in the hospital, to the nightly ritual of watching in her video monitor to see/listen to her breathe, to waking up every morning and reassuring myself that she is still alive and well, to the "blanket" that covers our living children and makes my heart heavy--that is sometimes invisible--but very alive in their hearts about how each one continues to grieve in different ways...we now come to the day that speaks to my heart in a bittersweet way.

Today is the day that Elisabeth is exactly the age that Caleb was on the date that he died. I'm really not sure what this post is mostly about...more a description of our reality and feelings about events in our lives surrounding the loss of a child so deep that it is difficult to put into words.

I am thankful that Elisabeth will be one day older tomorrow, but so sad for Caleb, that he never got to see another day. I know, he is in Heaven and is much happier than he would be here on earth, but for me, I will never fully understand that reality until I myself am holding him in Heaven.

I was having difficulty with some of my children recently and a friend asked me (who recently lost her 29 year old daughter to cancer) if I found it harder to deal with my children since Caleb died. My response to her was...I know it is more difficult after Caleb died. I used to think that he was a handful (mischevous) when he was here (which he was), but I find that the emotional drain after he has died is sometimes more "work or stress" than if he was here. Even though he is not here I feel as though I am taking care of seven children. One in my heart. It is constant work to try and not let the enemy in.

To experience a tragic circumstance and have permanent separation from your beloved child is beyond description. I do have a deep faith and I know that God has been with me during the loss of Caleb and throughout my grief journey and all that it has dragged me through and taught me. Sometimes you learn through the saddest of circumstances. As a parent I wish I could turn the clock back and take his place, but because that is not possible, I choose to focus on Heaven.

I believe God's Word. I don't know what people do that don't have a secure Hope beyond this world full of trials. I have the promise of eternity in Heaven because I have chosen not to die for my sins, but to accept Christ as my savior and therefore He has taken the punishment for my sins.

Without salvation, the separation from our God on the day of judgement will be so much worse than the separation from our loved one. Can you just imagine for a minute what life here on earth would be like without God? We get just glimpses of what it might be like, but even the worst situations here during our life here on earth cannot even begin to really show us what true separation from God will be like for those who aren't saved.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us! Romans 5:8

If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord", and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

With the heart on believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth one confesses, resulting in salvation. Romans 10:10

Thank you God, for without the Hope of eternal life in Heaven the trials of this earth would be unbearable.

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We love you to the moon and back Caleb and we miss you more than I can adequately express. Sorrows beyond sorrows. We will hold you again, and for that I am grateful beyond measure.

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I will turn their mourning into gladness;

I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Please copy this link to your browser and listen to this song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcYRr1dk7wA

April

Hello All

Things here at our home are buzzing along. I am so excited to have a high school friend traveling here for a visit tomorrow. I have not seen her since we graduated in 1985! She now lives about 1 hour away from me and she is married and has three boys. She shares my love of Jesus, family and scrapbooking. Her visit will sure to be a blessing.

We just purchased a suit and vest for my oldest son, who will be attending his junior prom shortly. Wow--so handsome! It is amazing how proud one parent can be for her children and seeing him in that suit all grown up just touches my heartstrings.

My oldest daughter is looking for a nanny position this summer to make money for college. I pray that she finds a nice family with some calm children (hee hee hee!) She will be a wonderful nanny. She loves teaching children/crafts/reading and also cooking, etc.

My second oldest son came home tonight sick from his volunteer position at the local library. I am keeping him in prayer as he came home from school last week with a severe headache and the same thing happened tonight. It seems to come on suddenly. I am praying that it is a virus that will go away soon.

My third son is enjoying reviewing books for an online source flamingnet.com He receives books, at times, that aren't even for sale yet! We pay a small fee to help cover shipping and handling, but the books are free from the publishers. I encourage you to check it out.

My fourth son is doing well and I will probably sign him up for some summer basketball. He seems to be the most gifted in the organized sports area in our family.

Elisabeth, our one year old is doing good, although I catch myself calling her the little diva at times :) She has a voice and she isn't afraid to use it. She is my little companion 24/7. Don't know what we would do without each other.

Our pastor announced that he is stepping down from his position and therefore our church is in need of a pastor. We have a very small congregation and we only have a part time pastor. I have heard that this could take a couple of years and in the meantime we will have some pastors fill in the Sunday's until we have a replacement. We will miss our dear Pastor. He played a critical role in our lives, especially when our dear Caleb died. Don't know what we would have done without his guidance.

I am reading a great book called O Love That Will Not Let Me Go, Edited by Nancy Guthrie. It is a book about Facing Death with Courageous Confidence in God. What a blessing this has been. It is a wonderful book. I do not fear my own death...I always say when I turn yet another year older that I am one year closer to Heaven. The back cover of the book has this quote on it: "Death, for the believer, is no tragedy. And for the believer to die well--to live and die aiming to glorify God, confident that God will make good on all of his promises--this is a thing of great beauty." (from the preface)

Blessings to all of you my blogging friends,
With Love and Hope,
Cheryl

Cutie Patootie - Wordless Wednesday

March Comes Marching In

Hello Friends!

Well our snow is now mostly melted here and the days are getting longer and the kids are getting restless to spend more time outside riding bikes, jumping on the trampoline and playing tag (or tackle).

My husband works at a company that is a joint venture with Japan. We have much to be thankful for and more to pray for...

Please pray for my husband's company including employees/manufacturing plant/vendors, etc. that are located in Japan and everywhere. Two of their manufacturing plants are located 30 miles from the nuclear power plant as are many of the vendors. They were damaged from the earthquake/tsunami and as more information is coming out they forsee pretty major changes in the ability to carry out business. We know that God is sovereign and we cling to that.

I always say that you never know what is going to happen at any given moment, as we learned in August of 2008 when Caleb died. Our Hope is in Christ and He is unchanging and always faithful. As my sister in law shared with me today

You have been a refuge for the poor,
a refuge for the needy in their distress,
a shelter from the storm
and a shade from the heat.
For the breath of the ruthless
is like a storm driving against a wall Isaiah 25:4

How timely that verse was to me today. I am thankful that God is a shelter from the storms of life. I do get much peace and comfort from Him.

Elisabeth, my baby, is the same age now that Caleb was when he died. Another difficult milestone. I dread these milestones, but I also treasure being able to see Elisabeth, who looks a lot like Caleb, and remember what he was like at this age and cherish those memories.

My other children are doing really well. They are enjoying school and school activities.

I am scheduled to go to a scrapbooking crop on Friday night, which will be the first one that I've gone to in "forever" it seems. It will be nice to have adult conversation.

I have been trying to utilize the ingredients I have here at my home to try and make some new recipes. I really enjoy using Allrecipes.com It has been so much fun trying new recipes and knowing that the recipes I pick have been tried and rated highly by others.

With love and Hope,
Cheryl

Caleb's Birthday

Hello my blogging friends...(warning-downer ahead)

Tomorrow is the day that Caleb would have turned four years old. It makes me so sad to say that. I want him back here with me/us. I want him to cuddle in my lap, or even get into a little mischief. I long to hold him or watch him play...see his curls and stroke his soft *warm* skin.

It is amazing that as much as time continues to march on, the longing for your child continues to play such a huge role in your life even a couple years after their death. What a bond there is between a mother/parent and their child. I still see it so much in my husband's eyes as well.

We have no choice in this separation from Caleb. We do have to learn to accept it and over time I'm sure that will happen slowly, but it will never feel right or just. I still question God and feel much guilt as a parent would whose son died in their own home.

I long for the day that I can just let go of the guilt for good and fully trust God in this grief journey of mine.

I know that I'm the only one in this parent/child relationship who is struggling...Caleb is eternally happy now and in no pain and has no fear...it is just me. That doesn't seem to make this grief much easier to take, even though believe me when I say that there is no greater joy than to know that my child is with Jesus.

This day...tomorrow being his birthday...should be "his" day. The day that 11 pound 1 ounce bouncing baby boy came bounding into this world. A celebration of his life. In my mind I still cannot accept that it will ever be a celebration again...more like a sad memorial of what was and what will never be again.

I love you dear little Caleb and miss you to the moon and back. Hugs to you, my bug...Mommy

..."In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Happy New Year!

Just got in a short time ago from enjoying a parent/teacher night at the local high school. I love to meet my children's teachers and enjoy hearing about their classes and friends too. My hubby stayed home with the youngest children and I was thinking about how, last year at this same time, I couldn't have gone anywhere without my little one. She is now 15 months old and is a joy.

My other children are also doing well and are praying for another snow day tomorrow. I would love one too because it allows me to "sleep in" past 5:45 in the morning :) My boys are pretty good at helping me clean up after the snow storms if my husband is at work, especially my oldest son.

My oldest daughter was home from college for over a month and I enjoyed every minute of it. Our relationship is changing and we are becomming a little bit like "friends" and not so much parent/child. She was so domesticated when she was here. She made us dinner many of the nights that she was here and she did all of the shopping with me for the ingredients. She helped me organize the basement of all of our children's clothes and she also helped shop/wrap/prepare for Christmas.

I was very saddened to have to say goodbye to her yesterday. She is back at college now.

My husband found out yesterday that he has the shingles...He was having a lot of back pain and I noticed a "rash". He is asleep on the couch suffering with a migraine on top of it all. I pray that he will feel some relief soon.

My father found out that he had bladder cancer a short time ago, but when they removed it they were able to get it all and it is a non-invasive type. Blessings abound :)

I have been reading more...a couple of good books including the Bible and also a book called "Life Without Limits" by: Nick Vujicic (an inspriational story about a man who was born without arms or legs).

I have started attending a Bible study again and the baby is cooperating by being willing to stay with the nursery women without screaming. We spent some time on temptations today. The story of Joseph and how he resisted being tempted by Potipher's wife, but still suffered trials. What a great story to reflect on and to remember that even when we obey God, we are not always showered with blessings, and that is ok...God has a perfect plan and everything happens for a reason. Much more was covered and I look forward to many more rich lessons. Fellowshiping with the saints is such a blessing.

Hebrews 10:24-25 (New International Version, ©2010)
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

We are called to meet together as Christians and I know, speaking from my own experience, how much easier life is to handle when I am in the Word and am consistantly gathering with other believers.

I have been so blessed by my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband and all of my children...each and every one of them is a special gift.

Your blogs are all gifts to me. I enjoy opening them every time you post. I may not always post a comment on them, but know that you are being thought about and that you are special to me.

With love and Hope,
Cheryl