Teenagers and Trials

I've been thinking quite a bit about how the Lord works in my life.

I remember with each of my seven pregnancies that by the ninth month the Lord was making it easier for me to want to enter the next stage in my life by making me very uncomfortable in the present stage. By the end of every pregnancy I was really "ready" to birth that baby and to carry it in my arms instead of in my belly.

In my present situation I find that the Lord is working in a similar way. I now have four teenagers. I have found that as my children get to be teenagers, things slowly start to change. I find myself in a little more "pain" as they face challenges (sometimes life changing challenges) every day; as they exert a little more of their independence and make decisions that aren't always the best. My children aren't the kind of children that like to open up and tell us what is going on in their heads during these times.

I end up getting to a point, after much praying, pleading, crying out to God and receiving Biblical counsel about these things, looking forward to the more mature stage that is soon to come for most teenagers. That is what usually happens when they move out and have to "own" their decisions more and they hopefully finally "get it".

It is during these times that I am almost anxious for the children to get out on their own and gain wisdom from their experiences.

It is so much work for children as well as parents of teenagers to navigate these waters.

That being said, I am still their mom. Even though I can't wait to have my babies after a long pregnancy, I worry about them so much once they are in this world. Especially after Caleb died in his crib I know that even as a small child terrible tragedies can happen.

I worry about that too with my teenagers. With the same motherly instincts (that the Lord placed in me when my first baby was conceived) I mother my teenagers. I don't want tragedy to strike and I don't want them to have to experience trials to "get it". I want the not so difficult road for my children, the one with no big bumps or dips of despair.

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As a mother of teenagers I wonder too how much I am responsible for when the children are going through a trial. I know that I have failed in some cases where my children were doing something that I could have prevented if I had looked on their computer sooner, for instance, but I have never blantantly ignored signs that my children have shown me and I am extremely pro-active in monitoring my children. I do wonder when my children are going through trials and I know what they are, if I am doing my best to help them.

I am one of those, lose-sleep-over-it, kind of mothers. I want to do what the Lord would have me do, but sometimes I feel like a deer-in-the-headlights kind of girl. I don't want to have regrets with my children that have far reaching consequences.

I have been trying to be a good mom and praying to God through it all. I am not a perfect mom, in fact, far from it, but I do have a heart for God and I pray that my actions reflect that.

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I am also a really emotional mom and I really can't almost bear the thought of my babies moving out. When my daughter moved out a year and a half ago to go to college, a part of me left too. When my son leaves, most likely, next fall, he will take a part of me with him too. It will not be easy to say goodbye again to another one of my children.

Caleb took a piece of me with him to Heaven too. In a way, when your children start to leave the nest, it is a death of sorts. The end of life the way that you know it. It will never be the same again.

God was there when Caleb died, He was there when I said goodbye to my oldest daughter and He will be there holding me (and my oldest son) when I have to say goodbye to him too.

God is sure growing me and I am thankful for the times that he has carried my family. My oldest son, who will be graduating this year, reminded me that his high school career started the day after we buried his brother Caleb. I am proud that we have even survived, never mind, at times, thrived as a family.

I will continue to draw near to God as he continues to refine me and my hubby and children.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”


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On another note, I read the book Courageous. I don't know if any of you have seen that movie, but I would highly recommend the book and I can't wait to see the movie either at a theater that is still showing it, or when the DVD comes out. My husband read the book in three nights and loved it too. I have noticed a wonderful difference in my outlook and in my husband's actions towards me and the children. What a huge blessing it has been in our lives.

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I have been struggling to leave comments, at times, on some of your blogs. I don't know why Blogger won't accept my comments/frequently loses them. I do love reading your blogs!

Thanks for listening and goodnight,
With Hope,
Cheryl

Happy Birthday Sweet Elisabeth!

Two years ago today our family was blessed by God, once again. Little Elisabeth was born. Thanking God for his blessings.

We love you so much Elisabeth...What a joy you are to our family!

A "Break" of Sorts

I am taking a break for a time from my blog. I am trying to handle some sensitive "teenager" issues and can't seem to focus on blogging.

I didn't want anyone to think that I have forgotten my blogging friends.

If you are Christian, I would covet your prayers at this time.

I enjoy reading your posts and will continue to follow them until I am able to put my thoughts together again to continue my blog. Hopefully it won't be for long, but only the Lord knows.

With love and Hope,
Cheryl

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter 5:6-11

At The Beach with the Brood

We had a wonderful vacation again this year. We went to Point Judith in RI and stayed in a cabin with views of the ocean on three sides. It sounds really expensive, but it is more economical than renting two hotel rooms for the week. The cabin has a full kitchen and living room and a nice deck and yard. My husband and his family used to go there on vacation when he was a child. He has very fond memories there and we always take a walk and look at the cabin where he stayed as a young boy.

I am thrilled that all of the children love to go there and get so excited...including my college aged daughter. It was a blessing to spend the week before she went off to college together as a family without the distractions of most of the electronic gadgets that we have at home.

We walked to the Point Judith Lighthouse and spent many hours on the beach both during the day and at night. We swam and watched sunsets, we played with the hermit crabs and found starfish, we climbed over rocks and felt the salt-water spray on our faces, we took a ride on the Block Island Ferry and visited the animal farm, we listened to the sea gulls and heard the fog horn, we ate the delicious seafood and enjoyed ice cream, we sat on our deck and watched the fireworks, etc. I feel so close to God there. Like I could reach out and touch Him.

God knows that I need to be with my family during that week. It is, as I've mentioned before the week of Caleb's anniversary of his death. It is bittersweet to go to the beach without one of the members of our family. I notice his absence everywhere and often have a lump in my throat choking back the emotions.

On one of the trips, after hiking over many rocks and arriving at the lighthouse, my children noticed a baby bunny jumping and playing in the nicely groomed lawn at the base of the lighthouse. They played with it briefly. As we were walking away my children also noticed another baby bunny that was recently killed, by what my husband said, must have been the landscaper's big mower.

The sight of that dead bunny was so difficult for me because it reminded me of Caleb's death. Not because he died in a similar way, but because God's ways are higher than my ways and I will never really understand why Caleb was taken, as I find it difficult to understand why God would allow that bunny to die. I do understand that animals are different than humans, of course, but it really affected me.

I was thinking the other day about how I am so emotional since Caleb's death still (three years later). The smallest thing will bring tears to my eyes. I have tried at times to start wearing mascara again, but always give up because I get tears so often it is not worth wearing. Other women that I am friends with have told me that they find that they are more emotional as they get older. I am beginning to think that it is not necessarily that we are getting older specifically, but maybe that as we get older we are touched by more trials and it makes us more compassionate and understanding so that things touch us more deeply.

On a lighter note, I read the entire book "The Help" while on vacation. I really enjoyed the book and I want to go and see the movie with one of my girlfriends. Have any of you read it or seen the movie...or both?

I also read the book Love Amid the Ashes. It is a fictional story of Job from the Bible. The author weaves the story from the Bible and fills in the details with her imagination as well as educated guesses as to what may have gone on. It really brought certain things to life for me from the story of Job in the Bible.

Do any of you have books that you have read that you could recommend to me? I would love to hear any suggestions that you have.

Below are a "few" of the pictures that I took throughout the week.

Goodnight my friends.
With Hope,
Cheryl

Who Turned the Lights Off?

Just checking in briefly after almost three days/nights without electricity. Dear Irene, the hurricane/tropical storm, plowed a path through my area and caused many downed trees and damage. That, in turn, caused a huge area to lose their electricity.

I n.e.v.e.r. want to have to take another cold shower in my life! I appreciate every little thing that I took for granted before we lost electricity on Sunday morning.

You realize that you are about to "lose it" when you start making up songs with your children about generators and flashlights lol

I will post pictures of our recent vacation soon. We had a wonderful time and can't wait to go again next year, Lord willing.

My children were supposed to start school tomorrow, but because a large portion of our town is still without electricity, they will start on Thursday.

Blessings to you, my friends!

Birthdays Galore

Happy Birthday to my dear husband who says he loves me "to the beach and back". Totally appropriate being that we are leaving for the beach tomorrow and will be there for a week. We are looking forward to some time together as a family without electronic devices and distractions like housework ;)

As I stated in my previous post...my husband and I share a birthday and my second oldest son's birthday is on August 14th. Can't believe he will be 15! Wow!

I feel as though I have had a lump in my throat for a while now and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I have been quite down lately and am trying to find a way out of my slump. I have so much to be thankful for, but at times life gets me down.

Just dealing with the loss of a child alone is a lot to deal with and then on top of it there is so much responsibility of "responsibly" running a household and having to address all sorts of different age appropriate struggles with children that range in age from 19 down to 1 year old.

I am going to try and grow even closer to God as we will be at the ocean. I need Him now more than ever before. I find that I feel so close to God there...you can't help but notice His handiwork all around you in that beautiful landscape. That is the last place that we spent with Caleb (the ocean) so that is also a factor in my emotions, I'm sure. We will be coming home on the day that Caleb went home to be with Jesus three years ago.

Take Care my friends,
With Hope,
Cheryl


James 4:8a
Come near to God and he will come near to you.

Hard

Grieving is hard...

No words to describe the hollow place in your heart...

I still haven't really regained my sense of time since Caleb died...

isn't it still August of 2008?

I am sitting here tonight putting a slide show together of Caleb's life. I am thankful for the time that we had together, but it wasn't nearly enough for me. I am human and I want more time...I want to die before my children.

This time of year is so difficult for me. What should be a celebratory time...with both mine and my husband's birthday on August 12th and our second oldest son's on the 14th we should be looking forward to celebrating the gift of our loved ones births...

Instead I have to face the fact that every time I drive by that cemetery in the center of town (that I hardly noticed before Caleb died), it contains the remains of my son...It may sound morbid, but his curly locks are still preserved in the ground. I think about those things. A grieving mom does.

I notice the other grave sites that contain the remains of children and I mourn with them for their babies. How can I not. I will never be the same.

I cry more and I feel more.

The Lord has blessed our family and I am grateful for that. I do find, most days, that I am doing much better than I was in the beginning of this grief battle.

On days like this, when I see so many pictures with Caleb, so full of life, I mourn like I did in the beginning of this realization that he is not ever going to be with me/us on earth again.

I look forward to Heaven and being with my Heavenly Father and my beloved, little son Caleb.

May I glorify God with what I have learned from this difficult trial. That is my prayer. I don't want to waste this trial...it is too big a trial to not learn from and try and help. God give me the words and the focus to help someone.

Tearful in New England
But not without Hope,
Goodnight my blogging friends,
Cheryl