For those of you who are new to this blog our beloved son Caleb died August 20, 2008 (see previous blog entry about Caleb's death called "One Year Since We Said Goodbye"). My 6 year old son, at the time, was very close to him (as were we all).
In the middle of the night last night my now 8 year old son was having a difficult time sleeping and was crying. Finally my husband (God love him) volunteered to sleep on the couch and my son crawled into bed with me (hardly ever sleeps with us). I tried to, in my sleepy state, find out if something was bothering him, but he said nothing bad happened yesterday and he finally fell asleep.
This morning, after the other four children were on their way to school I talked with him about last night. He admitted that the teacher asked them to draw a picture of their family yesterday. He started crying. So did I. The things you take for granted when your family is whole.
I wondered if he had put Caleb in the picture. I asked him and he admitted that he didn't, and I could tell his heart was broken. I told him that it was ok...that Caleb is now in our hearts. I told him that sometimes when someone asks how many children I have I say I have a daughter and four sons at home...and that I don't mention that I have another son in heaven. Depending upon who is asking I am not going to disclose everything to just anyone (my own view on this issue--I realize that others feel as though they have disrespected their child who has passed if they aren't mentioned).
The people that know me, know my situation and don't have to ask and sometimes I do talk to others about my son who has died when they ask how many children I have.
I was heartbroken for my son. Every year at school (elementary) they have you draw a picture of your family and I know it is going to be a yearly thing that he does not look forward to.
Just had to share. I have sobbed about it this morning with my son and after he has left. It is amazing how things like this can bring these strong feelings back.
God help us all,
With love and hope,
Cheryl
Hello! I am a wife, married for 23 years and a mother to seven. I have two daughters and five sons, one of whom is in heaven. We love the Lord are trying to bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) We live in the Northeast in a cozy 100+ year old house. Welcome to my blog.
Cheryl,
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience after my oldest first day of school this year. He also brought home a picture that he drew of his family. When he handed it to me he had a somber look on his face. As soon as I looked at it I knew why. He hadn't included Nicholas in the picture. This was a surprise to me because he is the first one to draw Nicholas "in the clouds" when he speaks of his brothers. I too told him it was okay.. that he could add him to the picture if he wanted to (he immediately did). Not sure if it was the distraction of school (he's only 5) or pressures of not having the "perfect and whole" family.
It is so amazing how these seemingly small things can set us back a few steps in our journey.
Bless their little hearts. They know way too much.
xo
Yes, it can be so very hard. That breaks my heart. I can only imagine how bad your son feels, to have it wake him up in the middle of the night. Yesterday, while my two oldest boys were at school, Parker came up to me with Isaiah's picture. He was crying, and saying how he never got to hold him and how badly he wanted to. It just breaks a mother's heart. To love so badly, and hurt at the same time. Thinking of you and your family....
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jenny
That is so sad...I'm sorry bless his heart.
ReplyDeleteHow heartbreaking! What a precious young man. *wipes tears from eyes*
ReplyDelete